Drinking on an empty stomach

People, I am surprised I made it home last night, honestly. And the reason I was completely unsteady on my feet and joyous at incredibly small details, not to mention essentially asleep while seeming to be awake, the reason was a single drink. One, people. Granted, it was a kick-your-behind martini big enough to count as two martinis, and as promised, it did indeed kick my behind. The bigger factor in Elizabeth's oh-so-inexpensive toastness was the lack of food. I know this, absolutely: I should not drink without eating. But it was late, and we'd just finished the first run of my new show with an audience, and by the time I enlisted someone to pay for the food (I myself having one dollar of cash on me, and knowing the nightmare of group payment situations with a card), the kitchen had closed.

I think the restaurant/bar across the street hates us, by the way, since it took far, far too long for us to get a drink. Then, you see, I had to drink it much faster, to get it down by closing time.

Regardless, I drank my one drink and about half-way through, everything became somewhat fuzzy and much more entertaining. I became less capable of walking around and longed only to lie down in the restaurant and sleep.

I figured it was time to go home.

Now, at noon the next day, I can feel the alcohol still lingering in my bloodstream, probably because it so rarely gets free reign like that. It's enjoying the stay.

I am such a lightweight.

Happy New Year!

I have been having a frustrating life recently. Now, I should note that in comparison to, say, political prisoners or people captured by mad stalker-killers, my life carries on like a great big party. But in the normal day to day, I have a few rants building up, some of which may be familiar.

1. PLEASE DO NOT RUN INTO CYCLISTS. I don't even understand the car that tried to pull out right as I was passing it this morning. The car was poised to pull out, and HAD to be looking behind to see when the cars cleared, and as it was broad daylight, I had to be visible, but somehow, as I tried to clear the car, it started to move in my direction! THEN the person driving the car made gestures at me! What, exactly, was I meant to do differently? Magically take flight? Suddenly disappear from the trajectory on which I was clearly embarked the last time the motorist looked back? Should I let them pull out onto me because I am not a car?

2. If I wrote you a memo in a business context, wouldn't it be smart to read it? That action would stop you from asking questions WHICH WERE ALREADY ANSWERED IN THE TEXT OF THE MEMO. Although then I wouldn't have the joy of wasting time by answering the question twice.

Seriously, I need a new day job. Which leads me to:

3. Gloating is unattractive. Accidental gloating is even more irritating, because not only are you rubbing something in, you don't even have the common decency to recognize that someone might have a different experience. I grant you, this happens to all of us on occasion, but there are certain topics that shouldn't be raised in certain groups of people. Case in point: young actors bragging how lucky they are to be supported (financially and emotionally) by their parents. To other actors. Who are clearly NOT supported by their parents. Listen, folks, I'm at least partially happy for you and all, but could you shut up about it? Also, can I have permission to bitch-slap the next person who wonders out loud why I have to balance my own checkbook, something they've never considered since mommy and daddy pay all their bills?

Ok, that clears the shelves a bit. Those are all petty (except for the bike thing - I really would not have enjoyed getting hit by a car this morning), and hopefully I can return to a feeling of happiness and well-being. I myself am pretty fortunate, all told.

I won't explain why, however. I don't want to rub it in.