Everyone plays roles in life - no matter how true to yourself you are, you still alter yourself to fit different situations, like pressing certain keys on a piano to produce certain meoldies. It's always a piano, even when a few notes are silent. And I like to think I am fairly honest about myself in the world - I keep a lot more to myself than most people would guess (given my propensity for chatter), but I maintain a consistency of self.
It wasn't until I got really tired I realized how constructed and effortful the animation of that self can be. I am tired - not sleepy, not exhausted, as my physical self is coping pretty well despite some late nights. But my psyche is road weary.
I went off to lunch with some people the other day, one of whom I have a distaste for that I endeavor to keep to myself, and on the way there I nearly cancelled. I didn't have enough energy left to be civil and social. I was going to say I was too tired to pretend I cared what people had to say but actually, they had interesting things to say, and listening helped galvanize me a bit. However, it took great effort to ask questions. I would have preferred eavesdropping to having to participate in the conversation.
So I think it's time for a break, a mental wander in the landscape, an escape.
Right after I finish pretending to be a pig for three performances. I've heard of playing your type, but after the past few children's shows, I'm beginning to worry my type is actually a motherly pig. Frightening.
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