It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Really!
YAAARRRRR!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
White shoes
Ok, how did life get so busy and frightening? And why do my white shoes look so very odd? I mean, I know it's after Labor Day, but these are Keds, people.
First, having big life discussions is scary. When you and your (still somewhat prospective) life partner sit down and make a timeline for a) buying property b) having children and c) whatever else you want, it's pretty overwhelming. Because I can't deny the fact that I am getting older, and I feel trapped between all the things I have yet to accomplish for myself and the compromises inherent in having a family. Let me break that down for you:
I have so little money, really, it's pitiful. This shortage is partly due to my attempt to be a working actress, which still doesn't yet pay. It may, oh, how I want it to, but then again it may not.
It's hard to have children with no money.
It's even harder to buy property with no money.
So it feels like if I ever want property or children, I have to give up on being a working actor. Oh, I don't have to give up acting entirely, I just have to get a 9-5 real job, one that brings in the money more consistently.
But I can't help it, I still hope the ACTING can bring in the money. I mean, that would just solve everything. Then my life gets to be a) AND b), not a) OR b).
That's what I want, I want an AND life.
When I sat down (ok, lay down) and had this monumental conversation this weekend, I realized I'm closing in on needing it make the acting pay. I'm not talking about fortunes, I mean a living wage. I'm running out of time to call this a profession.
Because if I can't, I come to a crossroads, and no matter which way I go, I'll spend some time thinking about the direction I never got to explore. Maybe, knowing me, a lot of time.
Come on, wheel of fate.....no whammies, no whammies....
First, having big life discussions is scary. When you and your (still somewhat prospective) life partner sit down and make a timeline for a) buying property b) having children and c) whatever else you want, it's pretty overwhelming. Because I can't deny the fact that I am getting older, and I feel trapped between all the things I have yet to accomplish for myself and the compromises inherent in having a family. Let me break that down for you:
I have so little money, really, it's pitiful. This shortage is partly due to my attempt to be a working actress, which still doesn't yet pay. It may, oh, how I want it to, but then again it may not.
It's hard to have children with no money.
It's even harder to buy property with no money.
So it feels like if I ever want property or children, I have to give up on being a working actor. Oh, I don't have to give up acting entirely, I just have to get a 9-5 real job, one that brings in the money more consistently.
But I can't help it, I still hope the ACTING can bring in the money. I mean, that would just solve everything. Then my life gets to be a) AND b), not a) OR b).
That's what I want, I want an AND life.
When I sat down (ok, lay down) and had this monumental conversation this weekend, I realized I'm closing in on needing it make the acting pay. I'm not talking about fortunes, I mean a living wage. I'm running out of time to call this a profession.
Because if I can't, I come to a crossroads, and no matter which way I go, I'll spend some time thinking about the direction I never got to explore. Maybe, knowing me, a lot of time.
Come on, wheel of fate.....no whammies, no whammies....
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Sigh
I sent my mother pictures of the wedding dress I bought. And her comment to my Dad was, well, it needs to be altered.
Yes. I think about 99% of all wedding dresses are altered. (Another 75% of them are altared. Ha!) Why is this such a surprise? Or for that matter, why does this reflect badly on the dress? Because let me assure you, this comment does indicate dissatisfaction with the dress. My mother has infinite code words, like a real estate agent hiding the true nature of a house, to obfuscate and mask her displeasure, but the displeasure is clear even when its causes are not. The sentence, "Well, you're the one who needs to be happy with it" might as well end with, "because I certainly am not."
I know what you're thinking, you think I'm being paranoid. Perhaps. And in the end, it doesn't matter because a) I've already bought the dress, and b) she's not the one wearing it. But it's sort of the same niggly fretfulness I have about my lovely finance. I'm not entirely, 100% sure my parents adore him. I think they like him, I think they're happy for me, but there are a few well-placed silences that could have multiple causes, and I can't quite decipher them.
Let me be clear that the same a) and b) apply. I love the man, I picked him, no one has to marry him but me. If they DON'T adore him, I'm still going for it. And the reticence I notice might be more because they don't want to lose their little girl (though, at 33, I would think they'd be more than happy to get me off their hands) or because who wants their artist daughter marrying another artist? We are definitely signed up for a hard row to hoe together. A nice architect might have made things a little easier, especially one who lived south of the Mason-Dixon line.
I love and respect my parents, so I can't help that their opinion matters to me. But they've never come right out with that opinion. A friend of mine wanted to know, "Can't you just ask them?"
Hahaahahahahaahahaahaahaha.
No. They're from the South. Direct questioning is not effective. It's like going deer hunting and asking, "Why don't you just walk right up to the deer and shoot it?" Because it runs away, silly.
Anyway, they like my honey. I know that. He's funny, and caring, and he clearly cares about me, and they know I love him enough to marry him, and anything they don't say is to stay out of the way of our chance at a happy marriage. Which I can appreciate.
All of which is why I would really have been glad if my mother REALLY LOVED my wedding dress.
Maybe once it's been altered.
Yes. I think about 99% of all wedding dresses are altered. (Another 75% of them are altared. Ha!) Why is this such a surprise? Or for that matter, why does this reflect badly on the dress? Because let me assure you, this comment does indicate dissatisfaction with the dress. My mother has infinite code words, like a real estate agent hiding the true nature of a house, to obfuscate and mask her displeasure, but the displeasure is clear even when its causes are not. The sentence, "Well, you're the one who needs to be happy with it" might as well end with, "because I certainly am not."
I know what you're thinking, you think I'm being paranoid. Perhaps. And in the end, it doesn't matter because a) I've already bought the dress, and b) she's not the one wearing it. But it's sort of the same niggly fretfulness I have about my lovely finance. I'm not entirely, 100% sure my parents adore him. I think they like him, I think they're happy for me, but there are a few well-placed silences that could have multiple causes, and I can't quite decipher them.
Let me be clear that the same a) and b) apply. I love the man, I picked him, no one has to marry him but me. If they DON'T adore him, I'm still going for it. And the reticence I notice might be more because they don't want to lose their little girl (though, at 33, I would think they'd be more than happy to get me off their hands) or because who wants their artist daughter marrying another artist? We are definitely signed up for a hard row to hoe together. A nice architect might have made things a little easier, especially one who lived south of the Mason-Dixon line.
I love and respect my parents, so I can't help that their opinion matters to me. But they've never come right out with that opinion. A friend of mine wanted to know, "Can't you just ask them?"
Hahaahahahahaahahaahaahaha.
No. They're from the South. Direct questioning is not effective. It's like going deer hunting and asking, "Why don't you just walk right up to the deer and shoot it?" Because it runs away, silly.
Anyway, they like my honey. I know that. He's funny, and caring, and he clearly cares about me, and they know I love him enough to marry him, and anything they don't say is to stay out of the way of our chance at a happy marriage. Which I can appreciate.
All of which is why I would really have been glad if my mother REALLY LOVED my wedding dress.
Maybe once it's been altered.
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