Not Bad At All

I'm busy being an ordinary person, and it's ok. I don't love it -I miss working on a show, and I'd always rather be doing an acting gig than working in an office, but for now, it's fine. My one and only favorite lawyer came into the office today and I remembered what it's like to work for people you can actually like and respect. While yes, that means I normally don't work for people I can like and respect, it makes a nice change for today.

Further, since Michigan I am not as irritated. The lawyers are just as irritating, but for the moment I can handle it. I punch in, do my 9 to 5, go home, and wait for the paycheck.

It's a lot easier to do this because I know it is finite. In October I go into rehearsals for a big musical downtown. If I wanted to, I could probably live entirely off my paycheck and spend about two and a half months away from this law firm. I may try working two days a week instead, as then I can try to really get ahead in terms of rent and money and IRA and such. But even the idea of limiting this to two days a week while I spend the rest of my time doing 8 shows a week sounds grand.

So in the meantime I'm taking what they're givin' 'cause I'm working for a living. I'm a little embarrassed to be so practical, but at least my job-I-hate allows me to do the things I love.

In the meantime, the sweetie and I will be going to London in a few months. It feels very strange - London is a place I'd like to go back to live in someday, but right now all I can see is how much I've built this world in Chicago. I jumped around a lot in my twenties, and settling down felt like selling out. Now, however, I can see the advantage to staying put and grinding out what I'm trying to get.

More and more, I see the things I've done that succeeded have always been within my power but I didn't know how to access them before - like playing a video game where you have to know how to unlock secret aids - the aids are always there, but it takes some trial and error to unlock them. So for now, I have to keep playing this game over and over until I master it.

Sadly, I am slow to master it. But I creep forward, bit by bit. This month, I think I can be content with the progress and enjoy the fact that I get a new experience out of it starting in October.

And then, underneath it all, there's a lot more ambition. I want a lot more than this. I'm trying to enjoy what I do have while I get there.

I will get there, won't I?