Rain, Rain, Go Away

Well, Fiddler is done and packed away, and we are on to Funny Girl. The Funny Girl in question has come in just to do this one show, and is a peach of a nice person, open and kind and very excited to be doing the role. Also, she can tap her face off, which is not as usable in the show as one might wish, but she and her tap partner do a really jaw-dropping tap challenge in the second act, in a number called Rat-tat-tat-tat (appropriate, no?). I have been sharing a dressing room with two people who are long-time favorites at the theatre, and have felt very solidly out of place between their endless stories of the past and bizarre rituals and stretching-back-to-high-school history together. I'm thrilled the funny girl is moving in - she has also been at this theatre before, but she never makes me feel like "One of these things is not like the other...." She just treats me like a person.

The dressing room is a volatile place for me, because I do feel I don't belong there. It's the "star" dressing room, and was made into a sort of in-club that I don't have any interest in being associated with - I'd rather be mixed in with all the rest of the "first-year" girls, in what I have come to think of as my place. Sure, I did have a couple of big roles and could use the space for a show or two, but now I really would like to be with my own kind.

It's interesting - the politics here are probably going to get out of hand soon. I hesitate to write about this, because I'm working so hard to keep my opinion to myself. If I were discovered hanging it out on the internet, it would be unfortunate. I think one of these girls acts like a high schooler, instead of an adult several years out of college. She's created a group that she clearly sees as the in-group (those in the know), out of the people who have been at the theatre in past years. They save each other seats at dinner, they go out to dinner together, etc. My perception (possibly wrong) is that the high schooler needs to control this group and who does and doesn't belong, to make up for her lack of success in other areas of her life. You've all spent time with personalities like this - the small person who throws their weight around to prove how important they are.

Up to now, this in-group concept has had little effect, because those of us in the out-group, with a very very few exceptions, have pretty much ignored it and gotten on with hanging out with each other.

But here comes trouble: with Cats rehearsals beginning, we add two more people who have been here before, people who will land firmly in the "in"-group. Which will make that group much bigger and I have a bad bad feeling will change the dynamic into more of a tug-of-war.

To me, you'd get more out of a summer if you could start afresh with the new company each time, build new memories, use the fresh blood to give you new ideas. But then, I try not to shore up how I feel about myself by making other people feel smaller - that just seems a waste of time. (Not to sound high and mighty - I'm certain I've done that in my time, but I TRY not to.)

So, I'm afraid of the new group dynamic on its way. In the meantime, I plan to enjoy Funny Girl and my new warm and gracious dressing room companion, and then hopefully I can keep my head down and my mouth shut through Cats. Maybe then I can escape the summer alive!