Where was I?

I was disgruntled and grumpy.  I'm working hard at chilling out now, because I just don't have any interest in being pissy all the time.  I don't want to be that person.  So, deep breath, and I'm looking for the positive.

There is positive.  I got a wad of checks today for past acting work - that's always gratifying.  I'm working this week but gonna take a quick journey next week to see a favorite person (yeah, that's you, hg!), and then maybe a longer journey to see more family and the ocean.

The ocean.  I think it might just be time to go sit at the ocean with a book and my dad and do some nothing. Want to come?  There's extra room.

I don't know why these past few weeks have been so disgruntling - I mean, I had an entire week with my mom, so that was a test of endurance that I basically failed, but hey, it's my mom.  If there were a way to get it right, I might have some clue what it is by now, but then again, I might not.

I'll tell you - I got close to booking a life-changing commercial.  Not as life changing as some, but it would have been a 2 week shoot, and I got all the way to getting put on first refusal for it, which is like being pre-booked, except you don't know how many people they've pre-booked and if you are first choice or sixth.  So technically, I might not have been close at all - that's a legitimate possibility.

But if felt close - it felt like it could actually happen, and then it didn't, and I was so sad.

I keep trying to tell myself that if I'm getting close more often, I can't be that far from booking one.  That if I get put on enough first refusals, ONE of them will turn out to be for real.  But right now it just feels so damn disappointing.  Like going on 9996 miles of a 1000 mile journey and getting stopped and told I can't go any farther.

Also, as I'm sure any regular reader will know, I had mentally spent the money.  Only mentally, of course.