No way that person on tv uses that product...

I'm tired of being constantly sold to on television - sold to with young, pretty people.  I'm finally realizing that I can't even pretend to be young and pretty anymore - that ship sailed, and I missed it.  I'm starting to resent the very sight of the young and pretty.

Instead, can you sell to me with...hmmm....I don't know...

Tigers?  I like tigers.

How about graciousness?  

Or some good old fashioned whimsy - I'd buy things sold with whimsy.

Of course, there's the problem that I'm not the target for any of this advertising, because not only am I not young or pretty anymore, I have no money to buy things.