Uncomfortable

So, two things, and quickly, because I need to go to bed.

One is that looking at the "stats" has ruined me, because I feel extra conscious of the hitherto throw away titles. A lot of people end up clicking to the blog because of the title about unemployment and its ups and downs. I doubt they stay, because clearly that's not the kind of thing they are looking for, but the point has been lodged in my brain that a chance comment could be a search string by accident. So now I'm overthinking the titles.

Two is that through an odd set of coincidences, I've spent much of today thinking about how my past actions might appear to someone else. Since I don't know, I can only imagine the worst, and the worst is pretty irritating, annoying, pitiful, and occasionally stalker-like. I have to hope that's not really how I come off, but it definitely makes me grateful to the people in my life who have looked past my sometimes odd behavior and forgiven me for some of it.

Also, I don't like looking back at situations where I cared more about someone than that person cared about me. But, hey, doesn't everyone have those?? Why do they seem so very embarrassing? Why can't it seem brave and noble to care about someone? Nope, it just seems pitiful.

In contrast, I often feel sad about the people who cared about me that I couldn't return the affection, but the truth is, I don't think about those people a lot. (Or maybe there aren't as many of them? I had a penchant for the impossible dream back in the day. I was good at pining, not so good at other woods.)

So, tomorrow I'm going looking for things I'm happy to remember, even if I remember them incorrectly.