Always take the weather with you

I spent yesterday lunch with a friend who recently got engaged, and yesterday dinner with another who is currently getting a divorce.  Whew!  Talk about running the gamut.

What struck me in both conversations is how hard most relationships are.  I'm thinking more and more about why we make any attempt at all to have a permanent bond with just one other human being.  It's such a tricky endeavor, and takes so much work, why do so many of us sign on?  (And if you haven't signed on, you most likely have felt the pressure to do so, even if you haven't buckled under to it.)  I am beginning to feel the same way about having children - not one single parent has ever told me having kids is a complete romp.

It seems like it doesn't matter who you are or who you pick, a relationship gets hard at some point. (Although clearly it's possible to pick someone wholly inappropriate and have the relationship always be a complete nightmare...we've all done that.)  Someone shifts in an unexpected way, or doesn't shift when you do, and a balance is thrown off.  People behave in unpredictable ways.  One may find oneself behaving unexpectedly.  No one knows everything about oneself at the beginning of things, or even at the middle of things.

Because the problem/beauty of it all is, things change.  We work so hard to find a place of safety, a place of continuity, but in the end, that's an arbitrary decision - "this place is safe and will not alter" - you can say that, but you can't make it true.

I think about a couple I know who have been married nearly 50 years.  They bring each other equal parts comfort and irritation.  Is the irritation as comforting in its constancy as the comfort?

I also listened to a radio program recently about quitting, and that's having an effect on my musing.  As a society, we're bad at quitting, though sometimes quitting is the best thing we can do.

Except when it isn't.

Wanting to be right all the time is another form of vanity, and boy, is vanity turning out to be my stumbling block.

I'm going to think about this more and get back to you.