Some thanks

So, if you haven't ever met me or noticed from the inevitable return to this subject, I have trouble believing that anything I write here could remotely interest anyone else.  Yet I'm still driven to try to communicate, I still find I want to say something, and I want to believe I can do so effectively, even if some worm within me always convinces me otherwise.

The worm has been winning recently.

I'd like to thank those of you who have stopped by and made a supportive comment, and I'd like to thank those of you who stopped by and didn't make a negative comment.  I'm really grateful.

I keep hoping I can leapfrog over this impenetrable insecurity and get beyond it to something magical, and yet it never seems to happen.  I believe I can lose 15 pounds, too, and that keeps getting put off as well.  The me I think I really am always seems just out of reach.

A friend once told me about some tree that grows something like 15 feet every 5 years.  But it grows maybe 1 inch for 4 years, and then shoots up 14 feet 11 inches in the last year.

I keep hoping to reach my 5th year.  I think it could be coming.  I think there's something in me unexpressed, something ferocious and necessary.  I don't know what it is, or if I can ever find it.  Maybe I'm too old and off center, too plain and easily dismayed, too vain and too analytical.

But thank you for checking up on me, because inherent in that is the idea that I might have something to say that will be useful.  I hope some days I come through for you, and me.

I believe, help my disbelief.

Today it is sunny outside and I drank two cups of cappuccino, and I'm going to go running.  Maybe I should stop talking and try listening.  Call me if you want to take advantage of that intention.