The utter impossibility of everything I want in my life came crashing down on me about an hour ago. Look, life is still a gift and I'm not knocking it, it's a place that has laughter and tasty food and interesting books and sex (with yourself or with others, still fun!), but all the thing I individually wanted and felt like I was getting a little closer to and thought might be coming together all took a giant step back and said, "HA! Just kidding!"
Today I am very poor, and un-changeably large, and only very vaguely talented. I have worked for money that no one will pay me. I have auditioned for projects in which one one will cast me. I have attempted to accomplish things that seem utterly outside of my grasp.
Meanwhile, all of you who knuckled down and got to work are enjoying your houses and condos and children and cars and health insurance and fabulous fabulous success.
Or, hell, maybe you're not happy either - it's not a competition, I don't get to be happier if you're unhappy, but we all have our moments of discontentment no matter what we're given.
Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe this is how things come apart when you spend a day in the hospital watching someone in pain.
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