Waste

Just feeling the waste of things this morning - waste of calories, waste of energy, waste of emotion, waste of time.  I've misused my resources and misfed myself.  Sadly, noticing it is not the same as finding a remedy.

In flight from my ultimately repetitious (and unhealthy) thought pattern, here's a completely disparate topic:

Last night, someone I was with asked another friend why she doesn't have a boyfriend.  I must admit I was sort of floored by the question, though I know it was absolutely meant as a friendly and conversation-opening query.  But first, aren't we past that now?  Does a woman still need a reason not to have a boyfriend?  Would anyone, male or female, ask a man why he doesn't have a girlfriend??  Do we honestly think that's the first and best question to ask each other, as if to say, hey, I don't have a question about you yourself, what you like or know or do, but I sure am interested whether you have a partner, and if not, why ever not?  Why are we still defining ourselves among ourselves depending on whether we occasionally get taken to dinner by someone of the opposite sex?

I could get more strident about this but I don't have any problem with women having boyfriends or husbands or partners and I don't want to give the impression I do.  My problem is with the assumption that we have to have them, and that if we don't we must provide a reason.

I think of my mom - she doesn't like to drink, and when she was younger she got a lot of push back about it, so she took to telling people she was a recovering alcoholic to curtail the argument.  Using the same logic, I think the conversation stopper to "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"  is probably something like, "My husband died.  I'm not ready."

I suppose, "My divorce just went through," is as effective, but it opens the door to a whole different kind of judgment.  Maybe this ploy needs work.  Or maybe women shouldn't ask other women questions phrased in such a way as to subtly blame them if they don't happen to be shackled to a partner, no matter what gender that partner may be.

I would also guarantee that if the original commentator ever saw this post, she would be surprised I even thought any of this, because to her the question was innocuous in the extreme.  Maybe it is.  I do sometimes over-react.