Delete

Sometimes I hold onto things longer than I should.  But in a moment, I'm going to go delete something out of my phone and I think I'm honestly done with it, absolutely, without a doubt.  It's a bittersweet feeling, to be sure.  And of course, I think I'm done with it now, but I could be wrong.

There.  Done.  Erased.  Just some gossipy text messages from when a friend went out drinking with someone I went out with once.  The messages were from almost six months ago.  The person I went out with (much much longer ago), well, it just never really felt finished.  But today at lunch I was talking to a friend about the difference between meeting someone and being enthralled with them and then having to actually build a day to day life with them.  (Technically, I was talking about it as it concerned my friend, but extrapolation can be made.)  And that situation I think of so fondly from my past...would have been a complete mess had it extended any farther, instead of just an unfinished fizzling out.  I really should have just had my one night stand and been done with it.  Not that I was capable of such a thing at the time, but that's what never got finished, not some great love affair.

The bittersweet part reveals I'm a romantic.  I like the idea of the unfinished, the yet-to-come fulfillment.  In putting that daydream down and getting on with life as it is and would have been, I lose the fun mental side-trip, the boondoggle.  But someday you have to stop kidding yourself.  Today I managed to stop kidding myself about one thing.  It's not much, but it's progress.

So long, you.  I'll just be over here in the corner with this pile of long-cherished illusions.  Hey, just because I junked one doesn't mean I'm free of them...