I had the rental house to myself this morning, and it was lovely. Well, really afternoon, since I slept until about 11:30, necessary after getting to bed at 3-4 am. (Completely worth it, as that involved getting to sing along with 4 guitars at once last night - wow.)
At the house, I cleaned, I folded laundry, I rearranged the refrigerator, I made some lunch, I took everything out of my bag, cleaned the bag, and put everything back in. Mostly in an intense silence - this house is in the woods and far enough away from other houses to be isolated. I liked it, although it got even better when I finally figured out I could set up my computer to play some background music and sing along.
It feels good to be alone right now. And I am happy that being alone makes me feel stronger instead of scared and weak. I feel returned to myself, I feel like there's a center there somewhere that I might still like if I can get back to it. I'm happy I'm not scared by silence. It means I have a reservoir of peace somewhere.
And the house is really beautiful. It's a pleasure to clean it - though I did get burned because the "cleaner" left in the house is actually watered down bleach, which has now quasi-ruined one of my favorite shirts. Oh, well. I seem to destroy clothes whether I want to or not, so maybe I should just accept I won't ever be able to wear anything "favorite" for long.
Ok, off to work with interns on their scenes.
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