Arbitrary Markers

Because anyone can be on the internet saying anything, it starts to feel like everyone is on the internet saying everything, and with a depressing consistency of message.  I've read between ten and fifty people who found a way to sum up their year 2012 with a list of events and many more who made some  sort of "Oh, 2012 wasn't very nice, let's make this one better!" comment.

I'm admitting here I have little patience for that.  Most of the events of our lives are uncontrollable, and thus we can rarely make something better.  Bad stuff is going to go down, good stuff is going to amaze us, and both on a timeline we cannot force.  You can get yourself ready for joy or sorrow, but you can't always make one or the other to happen.  You can only behave in the best possible way when an event occurs.  Or, let's be fair, if you don't behave well, you can make an attempt to learn from that.

Someone in my family is going to die.  Maybe it will be a long time, maybe it will be this year, I don't know.  And I will be a complete and utter mess when it happens.  I cannot avoid it or make it pretty or effect it in any way.  I am absolutely guaranteed this will happen.  The only way I won't experience this sadness will be if I die first.  (Which would be a bummer.  There's lots of cool parts of being alive, and I'm still hoping to figure a few new ones out.)

The only part of that experience I can control will be my own actions.  Note that I don't say I can control my emotions - I won't be able to do that.  I only have power over what I do, and even then, I'll slip and do/say some things I wish I could stop myself from doing, but the grief will be too powerful.

Having come to an arbitrary marker in time that offers perspective, the way a highway overlook offers a view, I just want to note what it feels like to be doing what I love, and take that mindset forward into the days of 2013 when I might not be doing what I love.  Would I also like to find a way to be healthier, skinnier, more successful, more productive?  Absolutely.  But unexpected events are going to come my way, and I'll be reacting to them, possibly poorly, but hopefully with some measure of grace.

I can't make 2013 better or worse, but I can enjoy the good and endure the bad.  Here's hoping for luck to do both of those.