Unfortunate

Soooo...yesterday I was a jerk to a bunch of people, including myself, and that was embarrassing, sad, and disappointing.  Have you ever been in the midst of ruining your own day and realized you just didn't have the mental capacity to behave more like an adult?  You were completely aware you were acting like a bratty child, but you were powerless to choose any other course?

Well, it's possible none of you have ever had that experience because you're all incredibly well-adjusted and mature and your personal and professional life is a series of successes and you always feel completely secure and at home no matter what the situation.  If that's you, please don't bother trying to befriend me, as I will not be able to rise permanently to your level, and the effort of pretending I can will cause a psychic break from which neither of us may recover.

Today I feel foolish, naturally, and also irritated with myself.  With the best will in the world to become a better, more healthy, more focused, more peaceful, stronger person, I seem instead to slide farther and farther away from even the few good points I once possessed.

But you know what helps?  Friends, and bacon.  Also getting your mind off it, which is why this post is going to abruptly shift to something entirely different, right...now.

I love the awesome project - I wish it would last for months.  But since it has to end, and it has to end soon, here is a list of things I will look forward to doing when it ends.

• Running (I may have some time for this next week, but it doesn't look super likely)
• Teaching Shakespeare via skype
• Going to the main city library and staying all day reading plays and poetry and trashy romance novels
• Meeting my friend's new baby
• Snow fort?  A girl can dream.  I never had enough snow as a kid for one.
• Traveling to see my family
• A whole day in bed, reading, maybe getting up to drink some tea or soup
• A movie!  An actual movie in the theatre - maybe some theatre switching after the initial movie to see a different movie

This list is not as outside the box as I had hoped - it sounds slightly boring and forced.  Here's a new list of completely random thoughts that might make me laugh if I ever came back to read them:

• Grapefruit paint!  It looks bright and smells fresh!
• Reindeer meat.  If you sold it, would children cry?  Would they consent to eat it?
• Why can't we all have friend green beans instead of french fries?  I would prefer them.  They'd still be fried, so it's not as if it would be healthy.
• If we have shoe stretchers, why can't we have sofa stretchers?  I need one of my sofas to be just a little bit longer.
• A portable nap couch.  Someone make a portable, inflatable couch to nap on - I will buy one immediately.  Right this second.
• Earworm protectors.  There should be songs that counteract the effect of an earwormy kind of song - like heartburn medicine soothes the inflamed stomach.  

Ok, the nap sounds too good.  Nap.  Mine.  Then a show.  Yay!  A show!